Daniel Stegeman
I was a young pastor attending a ministry conference at a well-known church. I will never forget it: The host pastor boasted that his church was “the healthiest in America.” I immediately wondered, How does he know that? He went on to justify his bold claim by citing the high percentage of church members involved in small groups, going on mission trips, and other church-sponsored activities.
Pastors and ministry leaders can commonly rely on numerical metrics to assess church health. Granted, numbers can be useful in assessing one’s church and ministry. If the church can be likened to an organism (see e.g., Eph 4:15–16), it is generally true that “healthy organisms grow.” Indeed, the early church grew by leaps and bounds (Acts 2:41; 4:4; 6:7). However, there are also plenty of faithful churches that have numerically plateaued as well as large, growing churches where, if the façade were peeled back, one would discover a culture that is deeply unhealthy, even toxic.
As I will argue, there is a better way to measure a church’s health, and Jesus offers it in John 13:34–35: our love for one another.
And importantly, when we neglect this defining trait—love—we fail to serve as the commendable communities Christ intends us to be.1
Table of contents
Christ’s churches should be marked by their love
During the Last Supper, Jesus asserts that what sets Christians apart is not just their beliefs but their behavior. The standard Jesus sets for his people, the church, is their “mutual love” for one another:
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. (John 13:34–35)2
Love as a new commandment?
Jesus’s “new commandment” is actually a very old commandment (1 John 2:7; 2 John 5). The Old Testament prescribes love for God (Deut 6:5) and neighbor (Lev 19:18). Jesus points to this in what is commonly called the Great Commandment (Matt 22:34–40). Essentially, love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom 13:8). We are never more like God than when we show love (1 John 3:16).
So what exactly is new about this commandment? A higher standard of love is now required. The “newness” is found the example of love that Jesus himself provides: “Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34). In the greatest expression of love, Jesus goes on to “lay down his life for his friends” through his sacrificial death on the cross (John 15:13). As Colin Kruse explains, “This raised the ante considerably. The measure of love for neighbor was no longer their love for themselves, but Jesus’ love for them.”3
Love as our defining trait
When I was in middle school, I decided to wear a necklace with a cross on it. This display did not go unnoticed by my public school friends: “Stegeman, are you a Christian?”
Throughout church history, people have used symbols to indicate they are Christians. However, here in John 13, Jesus identifies love—not physical signs and symbols—as the principle way people will know they are Christians: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
And just a few verses later, Jesus tells his disciples, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Failure to obey this command, then, along with Jesus’s other teachings, is tantamount to not loving him and not being one of his disciples.
Our internal love as our external witness
Words will always be necessary in our evangelistic witness. God has always used the preached word to build up his church (2 Tim 4:2). Christians should always be ready to give an answer to those who ask (1 Pet 3:15) and to strive to uphold the gospel (Titus 1:9). Believers should never think, “there is no need to share the gospel with those around me. I’ll simply let my life and love do the talking.”
That said, the final “apologetic” will always be the relational life of the church; namely, whether believers truly love one another. We can be knowledgeable in our doctrine and equipped to give answers to relevant questions, but if we lack love toward one another, we fall short of Christ’s calling here. When Christians fail to follow the example of Jesus and “love one another,” we fail to commend the gospel to the watching world in a compelling and attractive manner.
The final “apologetic” will always be the relational life of the church; namely, whether believers truly love one another.
Yet, as churches, we can all too easily overlook love as the proper means for measuring church health. Instead, we can become guilty of elevating programs over people and giftedness in leaders over character and godliness. When we make metrics the measure of health rather than love, we’re tempted to tolerate sinful, unloving behaviors that both harm Christ’s body and fail to show the world that we are his disciples. Such instances are symptomatic of a ministry culture where love is not viewed as the chief mark of a Christian.
But this fails to grasp the link between the internal health of the church and its external witness: to the degree we fail to heed the words of Jesus (“love one another”), our witness suffers.
Moderns are looking for something more than superficial relationships. Relationships that are conditional, transactional, or self-serving will be easy to spot. When observers view such unloving behavior, it is a huge turnoff.
However, when believers follow Christ’s example by caring for needs, bearing burdens, and forgiving offenses, their love for each other will become impossible to ignore. The world will know that believers have “been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13) because they share his heart and love as he loved. When people observe authentic love between Christians, they’ll take notice, even those who are deeply skeptical.
Traits of a church marked by love
Practically speaking, what does it mean to “love one another”? If we are to gauge a church’s health by love, how do we measure this love?
The New Testament epistles offer insight into this through its various “one another” commands. Believers are exhorted to
- “welcome one another” (Rom 15:7)
- “care for one another” (1 Cor 12:25)
- “encourage one another” (1 Thess 4:18)
- “live in harmony with one another” (Rom 12:16)
- “be kind to one another” (Eph 4:32)
- “submit to one another” (Eph 5:21)
- “serve one another” (Gal 5:13)
- “show hospitality to one another” (1 Pet 4:9),
- “clothe yourselves with humility toward one another” (1 Pet 5:5)
Use Logos’s Smart Search in Bible to locate all of the New Testament’s “one another” commands.
While there are different gifts and virtues that mark Christians, love reigns supreme (1 Cor 13:13). Allow me to highlight four notable traits.
1. Care for all people—especially fellow believers
Jesus provides the parable of the good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37) to illustrates the non-discriminatory nature of the love God commands. A lawyer asks him, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus’s answer, in the form of this parable, is essentially, “Anyone who is in need.” Jesus calls his people to love in radical, self-sacrificial ways. Followers of Jesus cannot pick and choose the recipients of their love. This love even extends to one’s enemies (Matt 5:44).
That said, while the love command is general in nature, Scripture does emphasize fellow believers. The Apostle Paul writes, “May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you” (1 Thess 3:12, emphasis added). Notice the sequence: “love for one another,” and then love “for all.” Paul adds elsewhere, “As we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Gal 6:10, emphasis added). Many churches can become so preoccupied with reaching the lost that they neglect to love one another through care and hospitality.
2. Forgiveness, as those forgiven
One of the most important ways Christians are called to love is by forgiving one another.
Forgiving a brother or sister in Christ can be extremely hard, but it is necessary. Jesus said, “If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt 6:15). Every Christian knows that though his sin be great, God’s grace is greater. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col 3:13). Forgiving others, therefore, must naturally follow.
When a believer humbles herself and says “I’m sorry” to a fellow believer, and that person chooses to release and forgive her of her debt, it serves as a powerful testimony to the world, signaling that their Christian testimony is genuine.
3. Unity, produced by grace
In Jesus’s high priestly prayer, he prayed,
I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. (John 17:20–21, emphasis added)
In a world where social, racial, economic, and political divisions are the norm, Jesus prayed that his disciples would transcend such divisions through love. He prayed that his disciples and all future generations of Christians would be marked by unity. In doing so, the world would believe that the Father sent his Son.
Inevitably, there will be divisions among Christians (Acts 15:36–41; Gal 2:11–14; Phil 4:2–3). Paul warned the Galatian believers, “If you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another” (Gal 5:15). Such divisions, however, serve as an opportunity to show forth the love of Christ. As fellow believers demonstrate care, civility, and respect towards one another in the midst of conflict, they mirror Christ to the world. Divisions are often the times when the world watches Christians most closely. When they see grace and forgiveness, as opposed to slander and bickering, it forces outsiders to consider the uniqueness of such behavior. In a world where people are quick to ditch one another for any number of reasons, Christians are called to bear with one another in love (Col 4:13).
4. Changed hearts, the source of love
This love though is not something that can be conjured up quickly on demand. There is no discipleship class or curriculum that will produce loving, Christ-centered relationships in short order.
Love is a matter of the heart. You can’t expect to experience love from those who don’t already possess it (Matt 12:34). Matthew Henry, commenting on John 13:35, says, “We must have love, not only show love, but have it in the root and habit of it, and have it when there is not any present occasion to show it; have it ready.”4 Henry reminds us that we must have love before we can show it.
Attempts to generate love without seeing its connection to the heart will fail (Prov 4:23). It is also essential, therefore, for believers to be fully reliant upon the power of the Holy Spirit, who produces love (Gal 5:22–23). A heart of love does not happen overnight. It is something that is cultivated over a lifetime of discipleship.
Love is a matter of the heart. You can’t expect to experience love from those who don’t already possess it.
Love as the goal, not the means
Mutual, Christ-centered love within a body of believers is no guarantee of attendance-growth. Jesus said that, as a result of our love, “all people will know that you are my disciples” (John 13:35). He didn’t promise they would necessarily become disciples. Believers would do well to remember that our witness, whether in word or deed, is always subject to the sovereignty of God. He is the One who gives the growth, and the results are always in his hands (1 Cor 3:6–7).
Yet Scripture says that God does not leave himself without witness (Acts 14:17). Although many of our evangelistic endeavors may not produce tangible results, God is nonetheless putting his glory on display through the testimony of his people.
Church leaders are misguided, then, to begin with the question: “How can we show love and get noticed by the world?” The vast majority of our unconditional acts of love will go unseen by the outside world. But “loving one another” with the love of Christ will eventually be noticed. It cannot be ignored over the long-haul—and it is deeply appealing.
Church leaders often grow disillusioned with the outreach efforts they put forth and their lack of results. But rather than starting with, “How can we get noticed and attract people?” we’re better served by examining our motives and taking inventory of our church’s health—as defined by love. If budget, attendance, programs, buildings, growth, etc., have served as the barometer of congregational health, without taking into consideration the quality of relationships, change is in order.
Conclusion
Love for one another is the authenticating sign of discipleship and a crucial component of the church’s witness. It provides a much more accurate gauge of church health than other common metrics.
When love is present, it will not only be a sign to unbelievers, but also to believers themselves. In place of superficial, hollow relationships, God’s people have something unique, compelling, and attractive. But it always starts with the love of God, demonstrated most fully through the cross of Christ (Rom 5:8). “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Jesus’s command to love one another cannot be filed away as optional. When the emphasis is placed elsewhere—on metrics, liturgical rituals, doctrine, or even evangelistic fervor—to the neglect of love, we lose something vital. However, when love is truly present among God’s people, it serves as a powerful apologetic. Tertullian (155–220) famously quoted pagans as saying of Christians, “See how they love one another!” In a skeptical and divided world, words may be doubted, but love is often unignorable.
Consider these books on the church as a loving community
The Compelling Community: Where God’s Power Makes a Church Attractive
Regular price: $13.99
A Fellowship of Differents: Showing the World God’s Design for Life Together
Regular price: $9.99
Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community
Regular price: $9.74
Further resources for studying the Gospel of John
The Gospel According to John (Pillar New Testament Commentary | PNTC)
Regular price: $59.99
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- Reconciliation in the Bible: How to Heal Broken Relationships
- Unpacking Elders and Deacons, Shepherds and Servants of the Church
- 6 Essential Books on Building a Healthy Church According to Logos Users
- 6 Misconceptions Christians Have about the Church
- I am indebted to Francis Schaeffer’s The Mark of the Christian which has had a large influence on this article.
- All Bible quotations are taken from the ESV.
- Colin G. Kruse, John: Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Eerdmans, 2003), 293.
- Matthew Henry, The New Matthew Henry Commentary, ed. Martin H. Manser (Zondervan, 2010), 1818.
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